Asking for What You Want

Asking for what you want is inevitably wrapped in a blanket of courage and self-worth.  The assertion of our needs involves clear boundaries, clear communication, trust that our needs will be met and the heart to pursue our deepest desires unapologetically. This includes asking of ourselves, for ourselves and others. Yet, when it comes to asking for what we want, so many of us get stuck. A bevy of barriers from our subconscious suddenly creep up and what we do and don’t ask for isn’t always what we truly desire. What we risk by not asking is losing ourselves.

These days, we are inundated with messages of attracting the right people, the right partner, the right job, the right energy. It seems the cosmic language of manifestation and alignment with the stars, the universe, the law of attraction all set us up to believe that if only we follow the path of this knowledge, we can ask for and receive. This trend is a language that while well intentioned also runs the risk of setting us up for blame and failure.   

Manifesting what we want is a not a one size fits all prescription. Personal alignment, manifestation, abundance is available to us all, but the starting line looks different for everyone, the road is unique to each individual and, the picture of this manifestation can be vastly different from the one portrayed by promisers. The path of manifestation is your own.

It’s time to start creating a culture of asking for what we want with deep honesty and sincerity with the understanding that every story of desire to create is valuable to our understanding of humanity – without setting people up to believe that outcomes are always what they envision or somehow look different because the universe saw it differently. 

Here are 3 key ways to understand your wants and go after them:

1. The first thing to consider is how you would give the thing you are asking for, to yourself?  This question may be easier to answer first by thinking about how you would give to someone else. So, if what you want is peace, what would you be like if you had it?  What would the impact of having this be on your life now? How would this impact others? You may consider asking for something tangible or something intangible but either way, it is helpful to know how you would contribute to the giving before you consider the receiving. This creates agency, empathy and self-worth.

2. Secondly, you must consider whether you believe yourself worthy of giving and receiving the thing that you are asking for? For this, you must have a sense that what you want is part of the endowment of your humanity. In other words, whatever it is that you wish for, isn’t out of greed or selfishness but out of a place of knowing that you hold space on this planet in a way that there is enough for you; that there is a place for your want and space for you to receive it.

3. Thirdly, if you can’t ask for what you want, ask for help?  Learning to ask for help throughout our lives is important. If one person says no, ask another.  Sometimes you must ask again. Asking doesn’t mean we ask others to do our work for us at the cost of our learning and development.  It means that we seek the support, the expertise, the knowledge of those that will guide us onto our path.

Overall, these key elements, are a conduit to aligning our wants with what we are emitting to our inner and outer world. By developing awareness of what you emit toward yourself, you gain clarity about how it’s going out into the world. When we explore this process, we may find that our wants evolve. That is progress toward understanding the purpose of our desires.

Lastly, developing a sense of humility about the path of wanting and not wanting comes from learning about your limits and your openings. That is to say, doors are in front of us at all times; learn to choose your doors, learn to walk through with uncertainty, and walk back out of them so you can start over and choose another door.  We all want.  Explore what you want beyond your want.  Explore who you are because of your want.  Ask who you will become as a result of getting what you want.  And breathe into the path of learning along the way.  There is space for you in this world.  You don’t just have to want it.

Claudia de Llano, holds a Master of Arts in Psychology and  is a Marriage and Family Therapist specialized in multicultural approaches, speaker, lecturer, yoga and meditation guide.  She is the author of The Seven Destinies of Love, A Step-by-Step Guide to Awakening the heart. To learn more about her go to .

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